Forever at the heart of our family. My sister-in-law Wendy Ballard Monson arranged for our family to have professional photos taken just two weeks ago while we were together for a family reunion in Bozeman, Montana.
KC and I are devastated to share that we lost our sweet 12-year-old son, Bradley David Blake, yesterday.
He appears to have passed peacefully in his sleep. We found him yesterday morning when we went to wake him up for church.
Yesterday was the most unimaginable, unthinkable, unbelievable day of our lives. We don't know how to go on. Our hearts are broken, and we will miss our sweet, smart, funny, quirky guy forever. Annie (13), Chris (10), and Penny (7) are being incredibly strong and brave. We cannot imagine what our family will be like without him.
It turns out that losing a child is every bit as devastating as you would imagine it to be. Finding him already gone is something we still cannot wrap our heads around. It feels like we woke up in someone else's life, as if we got off on the wrong floor of the elevator and somehow we're stuck here forever. Nothing will ever be the same.
We know it is especially shocking and scary when a child dies without an explanation, so we want to share what we know. At this point, it appears he just accidentally suffocated in his sleep. Bradley was always an incredibly heavy sleeper, and he was always sleeping with a blanket over his face, no matter how many times we told him not to. There will be a full medical examination and autopsy, but we also understand we may never receive a completely satisfying medical explanation. Sometimes terrible tragedies simply happen.
We are people of faith and we believe we are children of a loving God who, while He does not control every event in our lives, is deeply involved in the details in ways that honor our agency and help facilitate our growth. Right now it is impossible to make sense of this or understand what plan He has in mind. Why could it possibly be better that Bradley is gone ahead, instead of here with us living out all his limitless potential?? But we trust that God knows what we cannot see, and that someday we will understand why this brilliant light had to leave us so soon. We choose to believe and keep believing. We had Bradley for twelve wonderful, extraordinary years, and his spirit will be with us forever, and we know we will be together again someday.
After losing KC's mom last fall, and after watching another dear friend lose a son, we both felt an undeniable urgency to rearrange our lives and spend more time with our children. "Urgency" is the word I kept using to describe what we felt — we felt we needed to do it now. So in January, we pulled our kids out of school and began homeschooling them, with the incredible help of their wonderful aunt Rebecca Blake. I cannot express how grateful I am that we listened to that prompting. We had so much more time together as a family, hours and hours more time every single day. The kids had so many more everyday moments with their brother. It is a huge pile of memories that will carry us along.
Bradley packed a lot into 12 years. He dreamed impossibly big and he made friends wherever he went. He planned to bring dinosaurs back, for real, and he wanted to live in a 400-ft-high biodome separated into different microclimates so he could care for and study all kinds of species. He was always begging us to take him to the next reptile show. He just went on his first backpacking trip where he won the photography contest among the other guys. He was writing all these D&D campaigns for his friends, he was reading Tolkien, he had finally convinced Chris and Penny to read Harry Potter, and he and Chris were building a fish pond in the backyard. Our hearts are completely shattered but KC and I find some comfort in discovering that, as we look at the life we helped give him, we have no regrets. We loved him completely, we spent tons of time with him, we encouraged his dreams, we made so many memories. There is this unthinkable heartbreak and loss but at least there are no regrets. That is a gift and we are grateful.
We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from literally all over the world. Last night our church friends and neighbors held a candlelight vigil in our yard. Someone counted over 200 people. They made lanterns at the nearby park and walked a few blocks in a big parade honoring Bradley. We stood on our back deck as this flood of loving souls poured into our yard and stood there singing with lights. It was so profoundly healing. It felt like a physical representation of Bradley's life and of the extraordinary community of people who love our family. We truly believe your prayers matter. We feel them buoying us up.
We know many of you loved Bradley too, and that you will have your own grief to process. We hope you'll share your memories and stories with us. We'll also share photos, memories, and information about a memorial service as we figure out the days ahead. If you see us, please just give us a hug. Don't be afraid to talk to us. Don't be afraid to reach out. We have discovered that, for us, being with people is much easier than being alone right now.
Thank you for carrying us right now. We love you all.
